Real life "Weeds ?"

So, I'm thinking that I'm not too sure about what I'm supposed to do with a blog!  My kids are gonna love this!  So I decided to start to tell my story.  How life can change on a dime, making you crazy, thinking that there truly isn't a God, or whatever you believe in. In desperation it is our nature (atleast mine) to find something to hang on to.  The millions of questions that you ask yourself, the imaginary what-ifs, and the real outcomes of any situation that we middle aged parent of, oh no joking, seven  kids might spin in our head.  Of course the outcomes and the situations also vary from day to day.  The severity of the situation might be so drastic one day to the next, depending on how your day is going.
I don't like the word "widow".  It has a real downer label, albeit, it is a downer!  When my husband died, I referred to his passing as leaving; he left; on vacation; or something that really did not state the obvious.  He is gone; not coming back in human form in my lifetime.